With Stevan Seagal, Stephen Lang, Levon Helm, Randy Travis, Marg Helgenberger with Harry Dean Stanton and Kris Kristofferson.

“Do you want me to take him out?”

“Son, you couldn’t take out a cheeseburger from a drive-through”

    I own a majority of Seagal’s earlier films. I think they are so bad they are good (aside from “Under Siege” which is actually good). In “Fire Down Below” we find Seagal now an EPA Agent who gets sent to some small town in Virginia to investigate a millionaire (Kristofferson) who owns coal mines or something and has been dumping toxic waste into a river or a lake.

    Seagal enters the town undercover as a Missionary through the town’s church to help people fix up their homes. The town’s preacher is Levon Helms (The Band’s front man) who introduces Seagal to the townsfolk. He takes a liking to Sarah (Helgenberger) who lives with her brother Earl (Stephen Lang) who had molested her as a child. Kinda intense for a Seagal film…

    This movie is so fucking bad it’s awesome. The cast alone is sweet. Harry Dean Stanton who is always worthy of a good performance, plays the town “retard” – although he’s sharp as a tack and just plays that so Kristofferson and his goons leave him alone.

    Stephen Lang is enjoyable in the typical cliché bad man role, Randy Travis is cool as a quick drawing dirty FBI Agent and Kristofferson is tough as fucking nails as the heavy. He’s so smooth and cool he rivals Dean Martin. Kristofferson just has the aura around him that just makes him so fucking cool.

    The writing is vintage Seagal film – it’s so fucking campy and filled with slap yourself in the forehead one liners. I don’t know whose idea it was to have Seagal as a leading man in action films but it did work for quite a while. He had a nice little run…until he hired personal assistants as sex toys.

Review: 6/10

But…

I’m over here now.

“When I hit the seat, I turned to the press agent and said ‘You’re fired!’ I didn’t want him charging me for another fucking day.”

• Peter Falk upon losing his second consecutive Best Supporting Actor nomination

I think it’s safe to say for many, Peter Falk will always be remembered as the dimwitted, fumbling and cigar smoking Detective Colombo who in the end, always gets his man. I mean, Peter Falk only played Colombo on and off for forty years. And was nominated and won multiple Emmys and Golden Globes. That’s quite an achievement of itself.

To others (mainly film snobs, who sit on their ivory film towers) Peter Falk will be remembered as something more than a bumbling television character, he’ll be remembered as a great character actor who played a fictionalized fallen angel self in “Wings of Desire”, the Grandpa in “The Princess Bride” and the solid rock of a loving husband and the ideal man opposite Gena Rowlands’ amazing turn in “A Woman Under the Influence”.

To me, Falk will always have a soft spot in my heart as the comic relief sidekick to Jack Lemon’s evil Professor Fate in the goofy and campy Blake Edwards film, “The Great Race”.

Above all that Peter Falk served a greater purpose, a more important role in Hollywood, he served as one of John Cassavetes cinematic partners that spanned the stretch of six films: “Machine Gun McCain”, “Husbands” (marking the first time Cassavetes directed Falk), “Mikey and Nicky”, “Opening Night”, “Big Trouble”, and “A Woman Under the Influence”.

Also Cassavetes guess stared on an episode of “Colombo”. That’s pretty badass.

I recently purchased the blu-ray of “Machine Gun McCain” on Amazon for $15.49. I read an excellent review, and of course I have known about the “spaghetti western” genre, but I had no idea there was a “spaghetti gangster movie” genre as well. So I pretty much, I was sold. This film was made in 1969 (on the brink of an amazing decade for film), and stars John Cassavetes, Brit Elkand, Gena Rowlands (who is Cassavetes’ wife) and Peter Falk. AND! The score is by Ennio Morricone!

Holy mangazam, Batman!

So I watched the movie, and of course I loved it. But what struck me as being so very excellent about the film was Peter Falk. Falk plays a gangster who’s been put in control of six western states, minus Nevada. He wants in to Vegas so bad he bribes a judge to pardon Hank McCain (Cassavetes) to knock off a casino because the others in the mafia won’t let Falk enter Las Vegas.

One thing that I’d like to stress about the excellent “Machine Gun McCain” is that this is film where Cassavetes first met Falk, which lead to a very long and fruitful friendship/collaboration. Also, the fact that Falk has a glass eye, is really used to his creepy and lethal advantage.

Anyway, plot aside, Falk plays a very intense and coldblooded mobster, and he’s excellent, and he’s mean and sneering and so unapologetic it’s mind numbing. So, turn the page to those of you brave souls who own the Five Films by John Cassavetes set from Criterion. Oh, I’m the only one who owns that? Oh fuck! Well, don’t worry, because most of you I know have Netflix Instant, and “A Woman Under the Influence” is now currently streaming.

It seems to me that most of the people hip to “A Woman Under the Influence” mainly know it because John Cassavetes directed it, and that Gena Rowlands gives an amazing, amazing, amazing performance. Which she does. But don’t count out Peter Falk, he’s the calm to Rowlands storm. He’s the solid rock, which will always be there for her.

Peter Falk is the ideal man.

With Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Rose Byrne, Jason Flemyng, Zoe Kravitz, January Jones, Nicholas Hoult with Oliver Platt and Kevin Bacon

“Peace was never an option” – Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender)

    This marks the fifth X-Men movie that’s come out, and this time we get brought back to the basics – the origin of the X-Men. The film mainly focuses on Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender), who becomes Magneto, and Charles Xavior (James McAvoy), who eventually leads the X-Men as Professor X.

    This movie is good, and bad.

    Let’s focus on the positive aspect first. Michael Fassbender. Nough said.

    For most of the first act, we follow a very James Bond looking Lehnsherr as he travels the globe, killing escaped Nazis who were responsible for the German death camps in WW2. He’s in search for one specifically, a pseudo Josef Mengele played by Kevin Bacon, who killed his mother. Odd I know, but it kind of works.

    The way director Matthew Vaughn shoots Michael Fassbender in this film is as if he’s sending in an audition tape to Sony, showing them that he and Fassbender are capable of making a James Bond film. It’s honestly the best part of the film.

    James McAvoy is very charming and smooth as the young Professor X, but to me, it felt forced. I don’t believe that Charles Xavier was a partier when he was younger, spending time in Pubs, picking up girls – does that sound right to you?

    Where the film really falls flat, is introducing a slew of under developed characters. After X and Magento join together, the film ensues into a montage of the duo finding mutants and asking them to join the X-Men (which includes a scene stealing cameo by Hugh Jackman).

    Once the “first class” is gathered, they’re just a bunch of young kids that aren’t funny, don’t have good chemistry, and aren’t very good actors (minus Hoult and Lawrence, who in all honesty, don’t really add too much into the film).

Really?

    The actors and characters are almost laughable to me; the effects and actor that they used for Banshee are pretty ridiculous, and almost an unforgivable mistake by Vaughn to let it happen. The veteran character actors, or as I like to call them, the Heavies bring a bag of mixed swill to the movie.

    Oliver Platt plays The Man in Black, who works for the Government and is really excited about forming a group of mutants that would be “good guys”. It seems to me that Platt is supposed to serve the purpose of Clark Gregg’s role in the Marvel Universe as the S.H.E.I.L.D contact, but since Marvel (Disney) own the rights to X-Men, and Fox does – we’re left without a Marvel/Avengers tie ins – which in all honesty, serves the film better. Plus, Oliver Platt and his tremendous talent are very much underused in the film.

    Kevin Bacon, who plays Sebastian Shaw (same character as the Mengele inspired character at the opening), is the most powerful mutant in the film that is capable of harboring any energy that is thrown at him, and he makes for a wicked villain, but even his character isn’t given a whole lot to do, aside from looking cool.

    In the end you’re left with the two main characters that are unevenly developed. McAvoy and Fassbender are supposed to be equals in the film, yet they just aren’t. While they share about the same amount of development, I feel like Vaughn spent so much more time on Fassbender, and put forth all of his effort whenever his character was on screen, and he got kind of lazy with the rest of the film. Maybe not lazy, but he certainly didn’t put forth as much effort.

    I believe this film would have been a lot better, if the same cohesive and taught filmmaking were brought to the rest of the film, and not just solely on the thick and juicy plot marrow that we get to relish in between McAvoy and more so Fassbender. My initial thoughts of the film were very, very high, but after I digested this, I realized that Christopher Nolan really has spoiled the whole comic book movie fetish that I used to have, by making his Batman films so fucking great.

Rating: 6.5/10

With Kris Kristofferson, Val Kilmer, Hillary Duff, W. Earl Brown, Frances Conroy, Reece Thompson and Dwight Yoakam

Music by T. Bone Burnett

“I’ve been shot at more times than I’ve been hit. I’ve always considered myself ahead of the game. I just never knew how to quit.” – E. F. Bloodworth (Kris Kristofferson)

    The new Indie film “Bloodworth” may lead you to believe it’s in line with “Crazy Heart” since it’s about a country singer E. F. Bloodworth (Kris Kristofferson) coming home after abandoning his wife (Frances Conroy) and his three children Warren (Val Kilmer), Boyd (Dwight Yoakam) and Brady (W. Earl Brown) fourty years ago for a life on the road as a country western musician. He’s come home not to reconcile with his children or his wife, not to explain himself, but to die.

    This film is the furthest thing for “Crazy Heart”.

    E. F. Bloodworth is unapologetic. He doesn’t feel the need to explain himself to anyone. He’s hard, he’s mean, and he’s real. What makes this film very effective is that it’s not the typical pappy crap you’d expect from a film like this. This film deals with, for lack of a better phrase, a history of evilness.

    Each one of Bloodworth’s sons is a bad man. Not just bad, but truly evil men. Warren owns a bar, he’s a drug addict and a womanizer. Boyd is a disgruntled ex husband, who travels to Nashville to look up his ex wife, because Warren had told Boyd that he’s seen her with another man, and that she just signed a record deal. Warren isn’t telling this to Boyd to help him, but to be sadistic.

    Brady, the oldest of the boys, looks after the matriarch of the Bloodworth family, played by an ever-so-fragile Frances Conroy. Brady believes that he can put curses on people, and each curse he puts on a person is to kill them. He believes he has a special bond with God, and that by putting curses on people, he is serving the Lord.

Take that Sarah Palin!

    The only sense of normality in the Bloodworth family is Boyd’s son Fleming (played very effectively by Reece Thompson). Fleming is a bring young thing, he’s an avid reader, and dreams of being a writer, but everything is holding him back – his father, his new found girlfriend Raven (Hillary Duff) who gets pregnant by another member of the Bloodworth family.

    Kris Kristofferson absolutely nails the part as E. F. Bloodworth. He’s a man who’s filled with wisdom, but who also protects himself with a lot of hard bark that he’s accumulated over the years. I know it won’t happen, but it’s for damn sure that Kris Kristofferson should get a nomination for Best Actor in a Lead Role at this year’s Academy Awards.

    Dwight Yoakam, who usually brings his A game to the roles he plays, is excellent in this film. It seems to me that Yoakam usually takes on roles that were meant for Billy Bob Thornton, doesn’t it? The most impressive thing about this film, too me, is the fact that Val Kilmer is actually really, really, really good. I’m talking “Tombstone” good. What happened to you Val Kilmer? Your ass used to be beautiful. I miss you, boo.

    This is a film that takes you on a strange and bizarre journey. It’s honest and unapologetic, and while watching this you may feel like the story doesn’t have a direction too it, once the end of the film closes – everything comes together perfectly – at least in my mind.

Rating: 8.5/10

With Brad Pitt, Jessica Chastain, Hunter McCracken, Tye Sheridan, Fiona Shaw and Sean Penn

“Guide us. To the end of time.”

    I was fortunate enough to see Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life” today. Anything I could try and articulate about the film, would fail it in every way possible. I don’t know whether or not I’ll ever muster up the courage to write a review, or even my thoughts/interpretation of the film, but this is for sure: “The Tree of Life” is not only “the greatest movie ever made”, but – it is the most profound thing that I have ever seen.

With William Hurt, Ed Asner, Paul Giamatti, Billy Crudup, Tohper Grace, Cynthia Nixon, with Michael O’Keefe, Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Modine, James Woods, Dan Hedya, Evan Handler and Bill Pullman

“You want too big to fail!? Here it is!”

    In the wake of all the pseudo fictional representations of the 2008 financial crisis, HBO pulls out all the stops with an amazing cast and a great director. If only Aaron Sorkin wrote the screenplay.

    I do believe that most people should know the story of the events that lead up to the market crashing. If you don’t, you’re either an imp or you’re more apathetic than Detective Sommerset from “Seven”.

    The cast for HBO’s “Too Big to Fail” is great. William Hurt (who already won the Globe and Emmy) takes the lead as Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson, followed by Paul Giamatti as Ben Bernanke and a slew of excellent middle aged character actors making up the CEO’s of the financial industry.

    Enter: Bill Pullman as Jamie Diamond of JP Morgan, James Woods as the ‘oh-so-evil’ Dick Fuld of Lehman Brothers, Matthew Modine as John Thain of Merrill Lynch, Michael O’Keefe as Chris Flowers, Tony Shalhoub as John Mack and rounding out the financial gurus are Ed Asner as Warren Buffet and Billy Crudup as Timothy Geithner.

    Impressive. Most impressive.

    Wait! Hang on! There’s more!

    Topher Grace plays John Wilkinson, aide to Hank Paulson. Really? Cynthia Nixon plays the PR person of the Treasury Department, and her sole purpose for being the film is to attract the women who still float around HBO waiting for “Sex and the City” reruns. Also, she’s there to dumb down the information that the film spit out.

    ”Explain this to me like I’m an 11 year old.”

    ”Too Big to Fail” sinks where “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” thrives. The closed door meetings inside the Federal Reserve where the CEO’s are all locked inside together and forced to figure a way out of the mess that they created. It’s a little lackluster considering the talent of actors sitting in that room.

    As to where “Money Never Sleeps” pitted Frank Langella against a sinister Josh Brolin in a very dangerous and even volatile chess match – here we are left watching extremely talented actors wallow in a very average script.

    ”Too Big to Fail” lacks the dramatic powerhouse of a human emotion that “And the Band Played On”, HBO’s film that came out in the early 90′s had. I’ve always considered “And the Band Played On” to be the finest TV movie ever made. It also had Matthew Modine take the lead, in another ensemble of very, very talented actors.

    The meatless script is what keeps “Too Big to Fail” from being great. The steady reinforcement of director Curtis Hanson and the remarkable cast is what really makes the film too big to fail.

Rating: 8/10

With Mickey Rourke, Megan Fox, Kelly Lynch with Rhys Ifans and Bill Murray

“Normal? Fuck normal! When the hell has normal ever won a goddamn prize!?”

“Passion Play” is an interesting little film. It’s currently peaked at a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes and has been bashed by everyone who has seen it. Well, I decided to check this movie out last night, to actually see how bad it is – and wouldn’t you know it – “Passion Play” is the best film I have seen so far this year.

Don’t make fun. It’s just like my opinion, man.

The cliché overly stylized film noir movie follows Nate Poole (Mickey Rourke), a three time loser who is on the lamb from a mobster Happy Shannon (Bill Murray), because he slept with Happy’s wife.

    Nate passes through a carnival, and meets Lily (Megan Fox) who’s a sideshow attraction. She’s a beautiful girl who has wings. Yes. Wings. Literally. Nate wants to rescue Lily from the carnival where she is held by a very flamboyant and sneering man named Sam (Rhys Ifans).

Nate has an ulterior motive to saving Lily. He wants to pitch an idea to Happy. He wants to set up an attraction to display Lily and her wings. He figures that he can share the profits with Happy in return for his life.

The film is fascinating. It’s very corny and cliché, but it works and the writing is amazing. The actors are given very juicy and pulpy lines of dialogue to bounce off one another. This noir in this film feels very much like a John Huston film. And when Rourke and Murray interact with one another, it very much reminds me of the chemistry Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson had in “Key Largo”.

    Mickey Rourke is perfectly cast as the washed out trumpet player. The oxymoron of style and patheticness that Rourke brings to these roles feel so authentic and so real. The vulnerability and poise that Rourke brings is great, and this performance should be high on the list of his career best.

I’ve never seen Megan Fox in anything that I know of. She’s fine as the innocent tart (which begs the question, can a tart really be innocent). She’s a lot better than I expected. I suppose she plays her character rather vaguely – which is perfect.

Bill Murray has turned into quite an interesting actor. Ever since his ego explosion that was “Lost in Translation” I think he has carefully picked his roles. Which is why “Ghostbusters 3″ hasn’t been made yet – I can’t even imagine what a nightmare of a script that is.

    As Happy Shannon, Billy Murray gives us a very subtle and subdued performance that I think could be his very best. Murray isn’t funny. Nothing he says is funny, though he has the opportunity to put a twist on it, and give a wickedly good performance as a gangster named Happy Shannon.

Everything about Murray’s performance is calm and cool. I never really thought Murray could give a straight performance. Think of his best, “Groundhog’s Day”, “Lost in Translation”, “Rushmore” – he’s very good, but he’s still Bill Murray.

Alright, I’ll just say it. Bill Murray is perfect in this movie. He gives such a small performance, but the progression his character makes is pretty amazing, given the limited screen time and development we get of his character. Bill Murray is going to win an Oscar yet. Just you wait and see.

I mean, my little Cinnamon Girl is going to see this. So you should too.

“Passion Play” is a very offbeat and bizarre movie. If “Passion Play” were directed by David Lynch, David Cronenberg or even the Coen Brothers, critics would have loved the shit out of it. Sometimes people just hate a movie to jump on the bandwagon. “Heaven’s Gate” ring any bells?

Rating: 10/10

With Noah Key, Martin Moakler, Brahm Gallagher, Maija Polsley and Whitney Powell

“How could I bring a child into this world that has someone like me in it?”

    Well hello dear reader(s), it’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here, and while I’ve seen “Your Highness” and “Source Code” and “Thor” (and a plethora of other films) I haven’t had the urge (overkill) to write about them. Nothing about those films really gave me anything exciting to write about, you know what I mean?

    I had the fortunate opportunity to see a film called “Killer View”. I wasn’t sure what to think of this film at first. It has a very crude and graphic opening scene that I wasn’t prepared for. I was taken aback at the realistic nature of the film.

    The film itself is setup as a documentary/found footage film. I’ve always felt that “The Blair Witch Project” was the “Pulp Fiction” of low budget independent horror/thriller films. Take for example the slew of “Paranormal Activity” films, or the recent “Last Exorcism”. The whole “found footage” fad is getting remarkably old, and I roll my eyes when I read about a new film using this template.

    ”Killer View” uses this template, and “Killer View” couldn’t have been a more astonishing and bold film if it had a huge budget and bankable actors. The story of “Killer View” is very original and very inventive. A young reporter Martin (Martin Moakler) is following around an active serial killer named “Ben” (Noah Key). But it’s not your normal “found footage” film, and it’s not your cliché ridden serial killer film either.

    The film does a remarkable job of crosscutting between Ben’s interview with Martin, and Ben’s actual footage of his torturing of a couple, and the husband’s mistress April (played by a remarkable Whitney Powell).

    Then the film throws a curveball at us. We find out that one of the reasons Ben videotapes his killings are because he ends up selling these films as snuff films to rich people. And Ben sometimes takes requests from the wealthy elite if it fits his current needs that he needs to fulfill.

    Brian James O’Connell masterfully writes and directs this film that treks in darker and muddy waters than most “serial killer” or thriller films are willing to go. This film is very blunt, and very unapologetic. To me, this film seemed like the perfect fusion of “Henry: A Portrait of a Killer” and Michael Mann’s masterpiece “Manhunter”.

    This film excels upon its low budget and its cast of unknown talent. Noah Key is remarkable as Ben, the killer that almost makes his killings sound plausible. You don’t condone what he does, but you can understand it. The call and cool collectiveness of Ben’s demeanor is met with a very horrific and scary persona when Ben appears on his recordings. Key brings an excellent showboat of a performance as our unapologetic killer Ben.

    Brahm Gallagher and Maija Polsley give an excellent turn as the married couple Ben has set to kill. But as the video of the couple and Ben progress, the couple may not be as innocent as we were lead to believe. The actors do so good of a job in this film, that I found myself thinking from time to time that I was actually watching found footage of a killer’s recording.

    There isn’t one instance in the film where I thought to myself that the actors were overacting, or fake screaming too much. There was none of that. This film feels incredibly authentic. So authentic is fucking scary.

    ”Killer View” proves that a film doesn’t need a large budget, or bankable names, or a big studio set to distribute. This is probably one of the best low budget films I have seen in a very, very long time. I’m not sure where you, dear reader(s), would get the opportunity to see this film, but if you can find this film, steal it. That’s how good it is.

Rating: 9/10

With Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettiere, Rory Culkin, Adam Brody, Anthony Anderson, with Marley Shelton and Mary McDonnell

    When I first read that “Scream 4″ was being made, I thought to myself that it’s a dead franchise. They ended the film on a very sour note with “Scream 3″ – I mean, best part of the movie is the opening where Liev Schriber gets killed off? Then, all the “Scary Movie” movies. I just didn’t really take it seriously. Then I thought about how I have always felt that Wes Craven is an overrated director, and that I don’t really like many of his movies.

    I mean, “Scream 4″, give me a break.

    I started to think about how effect the first two “Scream” films really were, and how I don’t think they are great films, I think they are great in their genre. Fuck it, I’m going to the midnight show.    

So we open the film with a fresh new cast (but not before a couple of cameos in a “Stab” movie), and some golden oldies from the first set of films. Emma Roberts (daughter of Eric Roberts) portrays Jill Roberts, cousin of Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), who with her bestie Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettiere) become tormented by the Ghostface Killer.

Kirby Reed? Really. That’s a name for a girl? Oh yeah, her haircut fits the name. Seriously.

We round out the cast with Dewey (David Arquette) who is now Sherriff of Woodsboro and is still married to Gale (Courtney Cox, Arquette?) and when the killer starts killing, and she tags along with the presidents of the Horror Movie Club at Woodsboro High – Robbie Mercer (Erik Knudsen) and Charlie Walker (Rory Culkin) to try and get her career back.

All the while, ole girl Sidney Prescott is back in her home town to open up her book tour. And don’t you know it, the killings start again!

This movie is predictable, yet still manages to surprise you, and as unbelievable as it is, your still dig it. The new cast is fun, it reminds us of the cast from the original film. Wes Craven gets a pallet of actors that suit the film, the mood, and the roles perfectly.

Craven delivers a solid film from a franchise that should be all, but dead. And Emma Roberts pulls a little “Star 80″ of her own.

Rating: 7.5/10